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3rd of October

  So let’s pretend this is how today looked like.

Because, you know, it totally didn’t, but it’s nice to imagine it did.

Today my second year of college started, right here in my hometown-which sucks. So what a better thing to do today but try to look excited and in the end to really be excited.

How did it start?

I met up with my friends and headed up to school. Only I didn’t have time to think of what would happen when I’d get there, because half the way I had to act as a relationship counselor. I tend to do that in my spare time…

Then I met the crowd that gathered at the entrance. The beginning of the year is the only time you see that many students in the school yard. My eyes shifted and looked for familiar faces, new faces, interesting, cute, handsome.. umm.. familiar faces.

So what happened next? We find out we have two exchange students! It was about time! Hello Turk guy from Turkey and hello blond guy from France! We called dibs on the ones we liked.

Once the solemn opening ceremony ended (cool, didn’t know we had an anthem!) we headed for the mall- because really, what a better thing to do before school starts for real?

We tried on clothes we cannot afford/ would never wear in the real world.

Here’ s the proof:


Then we went home like the old ladies we are (our feet and backs hurt from all the walking and the dressing-undressing game).

And that’s my day.

How was yours? Any first days of anything?

On the more-like-me part, I am bipolar. Someone said it to me today and for sure I am!  I’m sure all people are, to an extent. I was bummed out to have to go to school today, because I love vacation. It’s warm and summer and the rains are violent and noisy. And I don’t have homework due three days ago.

But then I see all those freshmen and their shy laughs and my too-happy classmates, and those foreign guys and the teachers who all smile ( why do the teachers smile? wasn’t it better without the lousy students?) and the excitement gets to me.

It is strange how fast all that can disappear, and I hear myself saying :

“I’m scared”.

Because college is harder than I expected. Because I should have prepared for this year and I didn’t. Because there are a lot of new people, and a lot of people I already know and they expect me to rise and shine brighter than the year before.

Why? Why do people have expectations? (Great expectations, yes, I should have read that this summer as well).

Isn’t it easier to just let life flow as it wishes? Sure, you have dreams, you believe that stuff might or might not happen. But people? They have their own rhythm,  they might race into the battle without flinching at first, and then get scared and get defeated. Would you expect them to be your heroes?

Or is it better to place your bets on the person most likely to succeed when another one comes slow and steady from behind and wins the game?

People get scared of many things. For me it’s just the unknown. New people, the ones I have no idea what they hide, or what they might put on for the show, they freak me out.

So I guess my other option is to put on the mask, pretend I am who they want to be, and maybe that’s the way I get to be who I want to be.

And I’m also scared because someone once told me my future. And it’s about to happen.

Now I should get to sleep. Waking up at 6 AM is another downside of school.

Hope I’ll be alive and well tomorrow.

Ah, this begs for a James Blunt song.


Almost forgot, check out my other page at The Beautiful Ones Productions, because I pain t-shirts and bags and stuff, and if you want one unique personalized piece of clothing and you like what I do, I’m here to hear your wishes!

Be good. Don’t do anything too crazy or too boring.


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