Eighteen

This is it, here I am. I’m eighteen for  six days now. You though I’d be enjoying it. It just felt great for a day. I feel my responsabilities hanging over me. I can even see the ” You’re eighteen now” line waiting to explode out of my mom’s mouth.

Things I learned in this past six days:

1. Men are such idiots. Not all, of course, and not always. But they do not know how to keep someone they love once they have it.  Some of them are shallow, some are clean perverts. Some are too afraid to take the risks.

2. Love will save the world. Whoever said it for the first time knew what he said. Not the man-woman love though. This times, that kind of love is like glueing together two pieces of wood with jam. It’s sweet, it’s sticks the two pieces together. But not for a long time. And the woods root and the worms eat it. That’s not the love that’ll save the world. It’s the love we give. The love we show to the others. Mom tells us to get back home at eight, we do it, because we love her. My friend asks me to give him my favorite pen, even just jockingly, I give it to him, because I love him and I want to make him happy, and losing that pen isn’t calle dlosing because he has it and he is happy and it makes me even more happy.

3. You aren’t free when you do whatever you want. Au contraire. You are free when you do what other’s tell you. Because when you follow your will you are tied to it and so you are not free. But when you cut your will, and follow the others’, not just your parents’, your teachers’s, but everyone’s, then you feel free and peaceful.

4. Not caring is easy. I don’t care if my sister has a bad haircut. I don’t even look at her enough to notice her haircut, much less to think if she looks good or not. So when my mother asks, I don’t know what to say but: “I don’t care”. I don’t care about your problems, not even mine, I don’t care about anything. I’m sure this isn’t a good thing. But what should I do? Destroy my nerves crying over everyone? When you need help, I give you help. When you need me caring, I care. You don’t need to ask for it. I’ll just know when to give my attention and trust.

5. My core is rotten. And the only way to fix that is sweat.

6.  I don’t freakin’ know anything. At all.

7. Life shouldn’t suck. But as mine is now, I just wish everyone would let me alone and stop bugging me with their “let’s be happy” lines.

8. This is wrong. Something is wrong. And piano isn’t helping me anymore.

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