For The Beautiful Ones

Now playing: Keane – Broken Toy
via FoxyTunes Mood:  rainy

Yeah, gloomy like that

I am writing now partly because it’s been a long time since last time I did, and partly because I have something to say. I don’t know what yet, but there is a feeling inside me that I should say this.

So for the last few weeks, since school started, I kept a secret. It is a personal secret and I will not post it here. Okay, I will say it here but it sounds so childish and sweet-sixteenish! It’s about someone I like. And it feels so different now. Maybe because that someone has a girlfriend, or maybe because he answers to my pathetic stares while he is having another girl. It is weird, you know. It’s me, rather than her, “the other girl”, I have all the characteristics an “other girl” has:

First, I wasn’t there first, as if the guy was a prize, that’s so lame. Secondly, I am selfish and I don’t care about her and I really think they have been together for too long, it’s been over an year, I guess.

So, well, it happens that I catch myself  looking for him in the schoolyard,or I’m going outside just knowing he’ll be there smoking or chatting or laughing or whatever.

I don’t really even know why I like him. Maybe because he’s taller than me, and he has a really deep stare, and green eyes, and he shares my glances, and I even caught him looking at me when I wasn’t looking.Now I sound like a child falling in love for the first time. Still, it’s different now. Because it’s been six weeks, and I haven’t make any move, and I really do not plan to. Because I do not want to be a relationship breaker, the third one in the love triangle, I do not want to be the thief, no matter how big the price is.

I grew up. That’s not how I would have acted two years ago. Actually, that’s not how I actually did act.  I might have grown. It still doesn’t make me feel better.

I guess I’m the record you’re tired of
I guess we’re just older now
I guess I’m a toy that is broken
I guess we’re just older now

Yeah, I listen to Keane and Coldplay excessively, but it fits my mood just fine. Try listening to Keane’s Atlantic, or Coldplay’s Death and All His Friends.  Oh, and I tend to read a lot of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, and learn too much. Senior year does this to you.

So, well, too much blabbering, I don’t feel better now that I talked about it,  and I still imagine him smiling at me. Pityful.

I look out for you
Come rain, come shine
What good does it do?
I guess I’m a toy that is broken
I guess we’re just older now

Just for you to know I'm not like this all the time,read my other posts.